random babble…

it’s the criticizing of parents.

it doesn’t matter where we go, what the issue is, how old we are, when we see something we don’t agree w/ we feel entitled, hell, even obligated, to criticize parents and the job they are doing w/ their children.

i experience this first hand.  i am raising a socially conscious, good hearted, feminist minded child.  i am teaching her how to take the tools given to her, and to make choices about her life based on those tools.  then, i am there to support her when she makes those choices.  sure, sometimes she makes the wrong one, but i am there for her when she does.  most importantly, i am teaching her to be accountable for herself.  it is part of the “personal autonomy” that i so desperately want her to feel.  the school i have chosen for her reinforces this method of education.  we don’t focus on the things that go wrong, giving unnecessary attention to infractions, feeding that behaviour, we mention it, and move on w/ life.  it works, and is the best method i have seen for discipline.  and yet, there are those who criticize me.  they feel entitled to tell me that i am wrong b/c i prefer my child to not play w/ toys that pigeon hole her into gender roles, such as barbies, which do a great job of damaging self esteem, but chastise me for allowing her to choose video games that she enjoys, and likes to play w/ other members of our household.  they want to criticize me b/c i don’t force her to do things beyond bathing and eating.  they criticize me b/c they can’t be bothered to look outside of their narrow view of what a family and child raising should be and see that what we do not only works for us, but it works pretty damn well.  my Kid rocks! (and honestly, if they cared that much, maybe they could have bothered to be around a little more in the first place, instead of criticizing what they don’t approve of after the fact, when i have been doing it just fine w/o their care or input for years).  lucky for me i don’t need their approval to see that my child is turning our wonderfully and that i am doing a great job. 

but my situation is not by any means the worst i see.  i see people in the american public and around the world feel entitled to criticize people for raising their children the best way they know how, and doing exceptional jobs in difficult situations.  just today, i read this story at feministe, another wonderful post by Holly, who always brings light and understanding to issues affecting the LGBT community.  until Holly started writing at feministe, i knew very little about transgendered people…she is so patient and understanding when some of us ask questions b/c we have lived in a sheltered bubble for so long, and are trying to broaden our view of “normal”, whatever that is.

 A child, who was anatomically assigned a male body, has decided to continue living as a female.  until i read today, i had no idea that gender identity occurred so young, but really i am not surprised.  my Kid, at five years old, asked the difference b/t boys and girls, so it shouldn’t come as a shock that some children would be questioning their own identities so young.  i was thoroughly delighted to see that the public school system where the child attends school taking some easy steps to make life at school comfortable.  i applaud them and their efforts.

what i was not surprised to see, especially from “Faux News”, were people criticizing parents for supporting their children enough that they feel supported in making these decisions.   there is even an organization, so called “americans for truth about homosexuality“ (a name that is confusing to me, and for another post for another day) blaming the parents for not seeking “professional help” for their “gender confused” children.  they even attacked the executive director of TransYouth Family Advocates on her parenting, for not subjecting her trans child to torturous “therapy” to make him want to live as his anatomically assigned female former self.  this hits a little harsher w/ me, b/c i firmly believe that we need to teach our children tolerance for what is perceivably different from what we are used to.  this woman obviously made her child feel comfortable enough that said child was able to come to her w/ concerns and they figured them out.  i don’t know all of the story about Kim Pearson and her child.  i know that Kim feels her child is happier and healthier and more stable now, and that is enough for me.

 parents do their best.  that is all they can do.  if we are working hard to keep our children safe, keep them happy, and teach them to be good people, we are doing something right.  being a parent, an active, involved and supportive parent, is a difficult job.  every situation is different, from the single parent scraping to get by, to the parent w/ the non traditional family setting, to the parents dealing w/ difficult issues such as gender identity or homosexuality in their young children.  i see a new generation of parents, raising children outside of the harsh social constructs of the past, and i see good parents dealing w/ the unprovoked criticisms of people who refuse to see past their privilege, self absorption, and narrow world view.  and i see them doing it w/ more grace and dignity than i could have expected.

i leave w/ this, though.  if you come here and read this, please know that i am extremely green in knowledge and understanding of LGBT issues, especially those affecting the transgendered community.  when i write about issues that concern them, i am doing my best to be as correct and sensitive as i can be.  if you find that i have made any offensive remark or claim, that i didn’t mean to.  it is my hope to address this w/ as much care and sensitivity as i am able.  any offense was not meant to be so, and i invite you to point it out to me, politely, please.  i will correct it as quickly as possible.  i am still learning, and striving to educate myself and others on LGBT issues.  i encourage constructive criticism and discussion.  my goal here, is change my view of “normal” so that i don’t assume that everyone fits into the box i was raised in.  i recognize that any prejudice i hold is my problem, that any discrimination against the LGBT community or other “different” communities are society’s problems, and not the problem of that community.